What is the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side.
How are fat girls and mopeds alike? They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything? A man to show her how to work it.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you done wrong? Made her chain too long .
Why do women have smaller feet than men? It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women? Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
Women will never be equal to men.. until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Have a great weekend!